Advice

3 Easy Ways To Free Yourself In A Relationship

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I believe it is in everyone’s understanding when relationships seem to come down to certain unspoken rules. For example, the common courtesy of please & thank you’s, keeping communication open no matter what situation may arise, etc.

But when you cross the line to making verbal agreements of rules & regulations, that’s when your relationship isn’t about being free to be yourself. These set rules are keeping you trapped as a slave to one another, & setting you both up for an inevitable downfall of disappointment, broken trust, & broken hearts.

To me, Relationships are about having the freedom to grow as an individual while having someone there that supports you & you can grow together as a couple. It’s about having the freedom to make your own decisions, while keeping in mind you are responsible for them. Expectations are one of the biggest issues that lead to fights, break ups, & divorces. Reasonable expectations that aren’t previously talked about will always lead you to having that gut feeling in the pit of your stomach that the person you fell in love with isn’t all that anymore.

Keep it simple.

From my own experience I can say it’s best to have your own friends, & let your significant other have their own set of friends. Intruding on this always leads to complications during the relationship, & even a break up. It also puts people in an uncomfortable situation if you two are fighting, seeing as they have to play middle ground & be sure not to choose any sides to avoid hurting or betraying one or the other. I’ve dealt with this before & it truly made a real mess of things after the break up occurred & my ex had socially manipulated everyone to stop talking to me.

Communication is key.

There is no need to set rules, boundaries, etc. if you are able to speak up when something is bugging you. If it’s the small stuff, don’t sweat it.. but don’t let it build up inside. Admit that it’s something small & petty, say what it is, move on. Because all the little things building inside are what are going to keep you on edge, waiting for the perfect excuse to tear your lover a new asshole in the least sexy of ways.

It’s ok to be jealous but it is NOT ok to act out on that.

I’d like to say that I’m not the jealous type, but that would make me the lying type. Everyone gets jealous & it’s ok to be jealous. Take responsibility for those feelings by doing some self evaluations as to why you may be jealous of a certain someone who’s in the picture. Are they prettier than you? Skinnier? Smarter? More in shape? These are all things for the most part that are within your control to adjust. Most insecurities in relationships stem from self-esteem issues, & they become forcefully projected onto your lover when an irrational, yet justified situation arises. The biggest thing to change here is your mentality. I’m a girl who has 1 girl friend for every 10 male friends I have. I’ve had boyfriends in the past tear me down until I had to sit at home alone on a Saturday night because they were so convinced I was going to run off & bang every dude that had been friend-zoned so 5 years ago. If there is anything you take away from this post, make it be this, ‘Your lover needs to have the freedom to go out & do what they want, when they want. Because at the end of the night they will be coming home to you.’

That last line only is true if you have a healthy, easy-going relationship. The more stress & pressure you put on someone so you can nitpick their flaws, the more you will push them away into wanting to be the bad guy/girl.

Boston based writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Founder & Editor in Chief of NotACleverGirl.com and KeepItNerdy.com.