Advice

Re: Sexting Is Not Cheating

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I’m not normally one to comment on the opinion of another, but I’ll make an exception with this topic. I recently read a post on EvolvedWorld.com by Dishing With Dimitri about how he perceives Sexting to NOT be cheating. The level at which I disagree with this statement, and entire post for that matter, was worthy of a long and lengthy rant on my own blog.

I am an individual who holds loyalty with all types of relationships to a very high standard. To me, when you choose to be intimate with someone and take it to the next level by being committed.. you are to give 100% of yourself to that individual. My mom would always joke about the idea of marriage as, ‘Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.’ And I do have to agree with her. It’s one thing to see a woman walking down the street and think, ‘Wow, she looks fucking hot!’ But it’s a completely different matter to chase her down and act upon any impulsive thoughts. Whether it be getting a telephone number or pursuing a physical fantasy with her.

Call me a bit old fashioned, but I am the type that when things go wrong, I do my damn best to fix them. I don’t just call it quits and give up. A successful relationship, both platonic and romantic, are based around prime communication. If you can’t discuss adult topics then you probably shouldn’t be playing house. If you aren’t able to relay the thoughts in your mind that your needs aren’t being met from your partner so you are getting them met elsewhere.. that’s where the issue arises.

SextingAnd this is why I consider sexting to be cheating. It’s the fact that in this situation you are hiding real feelings and emotions while being sneaky and manipulative. Cheating doesn’t always have to be a physical act, and I have even touched base before on the ideas of emotional cheating.. especially when it comes to the idea of having a ‘back-up boyfriend.’ You may not have committed the act, but if you are sending dirty thoughts to another and creating the perfect fantasy scenario in regards to it, you are just as guilty as if you went through with it.

The one thing I do agree on in regards to his post is the fact that what the girlfriend did to obtain the information was uncalled for. She also broke the loyalty bond of a relationship by not trusting her partner to obtain information to set her mind at ease. And in a sense she really did get what she was looking for. I have been guilty of going through my partners Facebook at one point or another in past relationships and even if something is innocent.. you can always find a way to twist it into the most harmful thing in the world. No matter how distant or off your partner may seem there is never a reason you should be shady and go behind their back to obtain whatever you are looking for to set your mind straight. Period.

I think the biggest motivator for this post from Dimitri is the fact that because the scenario caused his friend and his friends girlfriend to break up, he is now stuck with somewhat of an unwanted house guest. Judging by the way he says the guy only leaves the guest room to drink and eat all of his leftovers, I think I’m pretty spot on with that assumption. Saying that all men cheat, does not justify the action. There is no excuse for unfaithfulness on any degree. No matter how big or how small you perceive it to be. Calling it natural instinct is wrong. Men are not hunter’s to prey on women. Men are hunters to provide and supply a single woman in the most simplest of senses.

I have written plenty of articles and posts about keeping things fresh in the bedroom, and using basic communication to work through core issues with ones self and in a relationship. Justifying something that is morally unacceptable by saying it’s basic human instinct makes me slightly sick. People like attention, but even I have gotten dozens of advances while in a relationship and there is a common courtesy and code to live by. For example, in my last relationship I had a guy who would text me all the time saying how beautiful I was and how much he wanted to fuck me. Did I indulge in the thoughts? No. At first I just deleted them, but eventually I simply sent a text back saying, ‘Thank you for the compliment, but unfortunately I don’t feel comfortable receiving these sort of texts seeing as I am happily in a relationship.’ Was that hard so hard? Didn’t even break a sweat.

Couple FightingThe worst part is you say they are going to try to patch things up. The instant reaction though might have damaged more than they are capable of repairing, even from such a flawless relationship. He will now forever have the knowledge that she has gone through his phone and could do so again so simply. It will also make him a lot smarter by using new passwords to lock his phone as well as making use of that awesome delete feature. And what will happen to her? Her trust will be lost with him, no matter how much she tries to pretend she’s over it. The thought will cross her mind any time he adds a new girl on Facebook. Each time he gets a new text. If you can work past this and make a mutual agreement to move on from her and never bring it up again after working through the root of why this were to happen, then you will more than likely live a long and happy life together. And if that is the case then I wish nothing but the best for both of your friends.

As we get older our perception on what is morally right and wrong may change, but more than likely it becomes warped by what society is thinking to be more acceptable. To see that sexting is ok when in a relationship can’t help but make me think we are a generation of lonely children raised by a modern MTV reality show. And that is truly something that I don’t want to be a part of.

Boston based writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Founder & Editor in Chief of NotACleverGirl.com and KeepItNerdy.com.