Funny

What Did We Get Stuck Inside Us Last Year?

By  | 

Experimenting is fine.. But sometimes you’re old enough to know better..

 

Human beings are curious by nature. We all have probably done something we know we shouldn’t have, but curiosity got the best of us. From masturbating with house hold items, to wondering what may happen if we put ______ in ______.

There should be safety precautions taken when inserting any object into your body. Sanitization, ensuring that no damage will occur from it, and sometimes.. plenty of lube.

Just like easing an object into you, I’m going to ease you into this article with the less painful parts of the body first, so we can work our way up to the grand finale. This list is sorted by orifice with some of the best data gathered from Sun Sentinel’s searchable database, working our way down under:

EAR:

Key
Button
Hot Wax
Plastic Dart
Piece of Paper
Toothpick (and then hairpin?)
Wood
Screwdriver
Plastic Drinking Straw
Eraser
Fly
Rubberband
Knife

NOSE:

Dixie Cup (….HOW!?)
Hair Barrett
Two kitchen magnets in each nostril
Coloring pencils
Nickel
Wad of toilet tissue (This seems, normal-ish)
Mardi Gras beads
Small toy
Piece of plastic hanger (Nose abortions don’t work that way…)
Pick-up stick
BB Pellets while trying a magic trick
Screw
Sticker
Crucifix
Battery
Toy diamond
Pennies
Popcorn

THROAT:

Lemon seed
Maxi pad
Checker
Thimble
Thumbtack
Butterfly
Plastic toy gun
Staple
Keychain ring
Nail
Model toy airplane


Now, on to the good stuff. Heads up, this may start getting NSFW (If it hasn’t… yet)


 

PENIS:

Spoon
Plastic Zip Tie
Forks
Ornament
Piece of timber (Well, that’s one way to get wood…)
Pen
Soda can pop top

VAGINA:

Bedpost
Cosmetics bottle
Toy mircophone stand
Spoon
Cock ring that became dislodged
Metal bar
2 sponges
Piece of basketball shorts
Sewing needles
Toy truck
Hairspray cap
“Pleasure Item” (We all know what that is…)

RECTUM:

French bread
Hand wrench
Cigarette lighter
Crayon
Toy
Vial of bath salts
Artificial Christmas Tree branch
Drum Stick
Vinegar bottle
Lotion bottle
Mouthwash bottle
Shampoo bottle
Baby bottle
Loofa with suction cup and hook attached

 

Looking for the world’s most interesting coffee table book? Support NotACleverGirl.com by checking out Stuck Up: 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn’t Be.

Boston based writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Founder & Editor in Chief of NotACleverGirl.com and KeepItNerdy.com.